walls caving in

i drive myself insane.  i really do.  i say i want to do stuff with my life.  i get the bursting feeling every time i read an inspirational book like donald miller's "a million miles in a thousand years" or "blue like jazz" and i think to myself "i want to do that! i want to live like that!"


and then. nothing. nothing ever happens.  i continue to read more books and blog and what do you know! i have wasted most of my summer.


its really quite frustrating.  i have no motivation.  its not entirely my fault.  im predisposition-ed to this.  chemical imbalances and whatnot. that adds to the frustration though...


I REALLY WANT TO DO STUFF!! i need encouragement though... and people to do it with me. like kirsten. she makes me do stuff. and i love when i listen to her.


i just want to get to the point where i can to do it on my own.  i can make an exciting memory with my own effort.  i really really do.  im on the verge of tears. im so frustrated.