narcissistic

ive been reading donald miller's blue like jazz, and ive realized, i am way too obsessed with myself.  every thought i have revolves around me and what i can do to make me happy.


how can i make me look prettier.  how can i get this person to notice me.  what can i do to make me look better than the rest of these christians. etc. etc.


i also have a problem with getting credit.  i know affirmation is a love language and all but ive taken it to a whole new level.  i seriously get mad if people dont thank me for doing something or notice it.  i announce if i have done something.  i cant just do it to be nice.  i need to be acknowledge.  and there is something wrong with that.


i should think more of others.  isnt that what Christ calls us to do anyways?  are we not supposed to look after the poor and the widowed and the hungry?  nope instead... i try to think of how i can make my self less poor, less hungry and more loved.  pretty much all about me.


i need to get my act together.  i need to start doing some service.  and not the kind that everyone in the room stands up and applauds me either.  i need some down to the dirty work humbling kind of service.  maybs i should do tcl again.... but then i would probs want credit for how much better i was doing than everyone else.  what i need to do is be on someones crew.  have someone else set it up so they get the credit and i just help.  writing anonymous notes could help too.... anything to get the focus off me.


i want to live like Christ lived, helping out the unloved and focusing on the people who needed it-not just the people that make me look cool.  i want to do that.


my self needs a revamp.  i need to be made new... and no. its not just a magical process that happens when you become a Christian. nope.  it is a lifetime of work.  and it takes God too.  cant do it on your own.  me and God have got to work on my attitude.  ill pray about it. work on it.  and hopefully sometime soon i can say that ive changed my habits and my life has only gotten better (but that time not for the credit, but to help encourage other people)