idolatry

a couple of days ago, i had surgery. and today, while i was chilling and lying around trying to heal, i decided to look on websites and search around for new shoes, new clothes, new scarves, etc etc etc.


by the end of the day, i realized ive spent waaaaaaaaaaay too much time thinking about what i want instead of being grateful for what i have. and i ended up in this horrible mood. 


and then i read Jesus Calling tonight.

Beware of seeing yourself through other people's eyes.  There are several dangers to this practice.  First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you.  Moreover, their views of you are variable: subject to each viewer's spiritual, emotional ad physical condition.  The major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry.  Your concern to please other dampens your desire to please Me, your Creator.
It is much more real to see yourself through My eyes.  My gaze upon you is steady and sure, untainted by sin.  Through My eyes you can see yourself as one who is deeply, eternally loved.   Rest in My loving gaze, and you will recieve deep Peace.  Respond to My loving Presence by worshiping Me in spirit and in truth.

Hebrews 11:6; John 4:23-24

the truth is, i feel way insecure around the new freshmen on my floor. they are so freaking cute and fashionable, and i honestly was trying to make myself "up to par" with them. i was placing their opinion-which probably doesnt even come from my appearance-even higher than my healing from surgery.


and the sad part is. i should be showing them not to go down this path. im the sophomore, the one who is older and supposed to be leading them.  im supposed to be helping them discover that they are worth so much more than the clothes that they wear, the makeup thats on their faces, and the perfume they sprayed on.

God help me to be wise.  help me to show these beautiful young women that YOU are whom they should look to please.  boys wont please them. friends wont please them. only You can fill that desire.  help me to lead these young women to You, to show them Your Love. Your beautiful, wonderful and inexplicable Love. i love you Abba. thank You so much for these young women You have placed in my life.

Abba is amazing

today i woke up scared of my reality and worrying that i would not be able to accomplish what is needing to be done. and i was grumpy...


i started my devotions and asked Abba to really speak to me this morning, i needed it


so i open my devotional, Jesus Calling after my prayer time


"Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that, I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.
On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than you strength.  Days like that present a choice between two alternatives- giving up or relying on Me.  Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you.  You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement.  I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day.  Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence"


Psalm 42:5; 2 Corinthians 13:4; Jeremiah 31:25


and it was EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED


its crazy how God knows what we need and how to say it, how to present it to us and then use it for His glory. i am astounded.


God is amazing. He is sovereign and wonderful and all too great for my imagination.


but He loves me anyway and speaks to me, even when i refuse to trust in Him.  He offers me forgiveness time and time again. and He presents His never-ceasing mercies to me daily.


i love you Abba. thank You for all that You've done in my life and all that You are currently doing. i am excited to see how You will use me for Your Glory. i cannot imagine Your wonders.


thank You for everything. i love you.


in Jesus Name,
Amen.