plunging into the unknown

im going to get my hair cut tomorrow. its going to be pretty drastic. and im nervous beyond all get out.


i feel like im about to jump off a cliff.  im scared of heights. and i have anxiety. its freaking me out.


i know i will be safe once i hit ground. its like jumping off the diving board the first time. its terrifying and the more you think about it, the scarier it gets.


but i think its more than just cutting my hair thats freaking me out.  its the change i think it is going to bring in my life.  cutting my hair is the first step.  i have this little voice telling me to do it. like i need to do it. and that once i do, everything is going to change.


my life has been comfortable up until now.  i lived my life following God and been doing the same ol' same.  there have definitely been bumps along the way but its been a constant stride.  im worried with this one action, everything is going to start unraveling and that my life's tapestry is suddenly going to become a whole new pattern.


and im scared of that.  im scared that life wont just be comfortable anymore.  and im scared what God wants me to do.


i think im actually starting to live for myself, but not in a selfish sort of way, but in the being the person God made me to be kind of way.  giving your life over to God is not the easiest thing to do, even if it is the right thing to do.


like my friend chase put it: like aslan, Jesus is not safe, but He is good.  following Him might not be safe, but it is good.


i know i need to do this.  its just frightening.  but it will be good.  and doing this is just a start on trusting God to lead me through life.