as time passes

so its been forever since ive posted anything.... which is sad to me because i love blogging. i love looking back and seeing what i have learned and how far ive come. but now there are months between posts and ive gone through so much without capturing it in words.


lets swing up to date. as of now i am a communications major. i do not exactly know which track to take (com or journalism) but i know i want to be under that broad spectrum.  i also want to be an editor. i love looking through peoples papers and finding stuff to fix and making them better. which is funny because my blog is horrible technical wise.


i have made new friends and reconnected with old.  that has been especially trying this year.  friends have been INCREDIBLY busy. its ridiculous.  one works three jobs. another works 20 hours a week.  my roommate and i work 6 hours a week on opposite days so we never see each other. and we are best friends. laura is back from israel but i talk to her even less now than when she was gone. like i said. its been hard.


but honestly, its shown me how much i truly value these friendships and what im willing to do in order to make them last. i want to pursue these people and have them in my life. i love and adore them. just seeing them makes my day.  


family life has been hard too.  we went through trying times this year. it was a struggle for me to get through it. i was down right pissed at God a couple of times. but He got us through and i am so thankful for His faithfulness. i do not know where we would be without Him.


i ran a 5k a month or so ago.  i ran the entire thing, under 30 minutes.  i was so surprised! since then ive amped up my mile time and am around 8.30-9 minutes a mile. so impressed with myself ha!  but i love running now and its really helped me keep in shape.


its the end of winter quarter and ive learned so much.  i really dont want college to end (well i could do without the expense). i honestly love my friends so much. its unbelievable looking back to where i was in high school and where i am now. i found a prayer written in my bible from a couple summers ago...


God,
this is my prayer: that You will lead me down paths that i can follow.  that i can clearly see the right decision.  that You will grant me wisdom and grace.  and teach me how to trust and forgive.  that i will find friendships and love and that ill always feel accepted. 
Amen.


Abba is so wonderful! He honestly has answered so many of these prayers and i know He is working towards them all.  i now pray that i discover my gifts and my calling and can use them to glorify Him.  


ill be writing again on this hopefully. until then God bless.

i know there is a God

and i call Him Abba.

i know He exists. because if He didnt, id be falling to pieces right now. i know He exists because when my capacity to love and care for others is far past its limit, i somehow find more to give. and its not my love flowing through me, its His.

i know there is a God. i know He has a plan. i know right now its confusing and there is a lot of pain, brokenness and strain, but i know He will come through. that His love and grace will cover this all.

i know He is by my side. walking with me. and when i can no longer keep going, He is there to carry me.

i know this world is devastatingly broken. that its falling apart. and that without Him, there would be no hope. but He is there to carry my burdens, to grant me peace and carry me in His loving arms.

i know there is God. i know He is my God. i know i have a deep and unbreakable relationship with Him. and that He loves me

idolatry

a couple of days ago, i had surgery. and today, while i was chilling and lying around trying to heal, i decided to look on websites and search around for new shoes, new clothes, new scarves, etc etc etc.


by the end of the day, i realized ive spent waaaaaaaaaaay too much time thinking about what i want instead of being grateful for what i have. and i ended up in this horrible mood. 


and then i read Jesus Calling tonight.

Beware of seeing yourself through other people's eyes.  There are several dangers to this practice.  First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you.  Moreover, their views of you are variable: subject to each viewer's spiritual, emotional ad physical condition.  The major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry.  Your concern to please other dampens your desire to please Me, your Creator.
It is much more real to see yourself through My eyes.  My gaze upon you is steady and sure, untainted by sin.  Through My eyes you can see yourself as one who is deeply, eternally loved.   Rest in My loving gaze, and you will recieve deep Peace.  Respond to My loving Presence by worshiping Me in spirit and in truth.

Hebrews 11:6; John 4:23-24

the truth is, i feel way insecure around the new freshmen on my floor. they are so freaking cute and fashionable, and i honestly was trying to make myself "up to par" with them. i was placing their opinion-which probably doesnt even come from my appearance-even higher than my healing from surgery.


and the sad part is. i should be showing them not to go down this path. im the sophomore, the one who is older and supposed to be leading them.  im supposed to be helping them discover that they are worth so much more than the clothes that they wear, the makeup thats on their faces, and the perfume they sprayed on.

God help me to be wise.  help me to show these beautiful young women that YOU are whom they should look to please.  boys wont please them. friends wont please them. only You can fill that desire.  help me to lead these young women to You, to show them Your Love. Your beautiful, wonderful and inexplicable Love. i love you Abba. thank You so much for these young women You have placed in my life.