i like to day dream. i like to dive into a good book. i like to dwell in fairy tales. i have issues living in reality. id rather live in my fantasy world than face the truth.
because sometimes the truth is too much. too ugly to bear. sometimes its the loss of a loved one way before their time. or that other loved ones have to grow up without their mother because cancer snatched her from their grips.
life is hard. its painful. it hurts. it hurts to love. and to be loved. it hurts to offer your heart in any form and have it rejected. or maybe just dragged away.
so id rather escape to some fantasy where there is a happy ending. in this life. i know i have paradise coming... but thats a long way off. and there is a lot of hurt on the journey.
bunyan got it right...the journey to paradise. its not fun..its darn right terrifying.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
steadfast love
i learned to hold my tongue at a very young age. what i was saying didnt make a difference and it was just creating more drama. so i just held it in.
but im glad i did. in a world where speaking ones mind and being the "best you" one can be, a lot of mean words are spewed and many hurt feelings come as a result.
whatever happened to if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all?? its a very good lesson, one that i think needs to be adhered to more often. once the words are said, the damage is done and it takes a whole lot to get back to the relationship the two people (or more) had before.
if our generation could learn to hold its tongue, not as many human beings would be so broken. and that would lead to a world with less suicides.
that phrase "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" doesnt apply in real life. words are probably more damaging than looks. especially to women. they sit and think and brood over what was said about them. then they think of how they can change themselves so what was said will never be said again. how many anorexics and bulimics are caused by the phrase "youve put on weight"
if we could focus on only building each other up instead of tearing each other down, because we live in a world where we can say what we want when want, dont you think it would be so much better? so much healthier of a world?
but im glad i did. in a world where speaking ones mind and being the "best you" one can be, a lot of mean words are spewed and many hurt feelings come as a result.
whatever happened to if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all?? its a very good lesson, one that i think needs to be adhered to more often. once the words are said, the damage is done and it takes a whole lot to get back to the relationship the two people (or more) had before.
if our generation could learn to hold its tongue, not as many human beings would be so broken. and that would lead to a world with less suicides.
that phrase "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" doesnt apply in real life. words are probably more damaging than looks. especially to women. they sit and think and brood over what was said about them. then they think of how they can change themselves so what was said will never be said again. how many anorexics and bulimics are caused by the phrase "youve put on weight"
if we could focus on only building each other up instead of tearing each other down, because we live in a world where we can say what we want when want, dont you think it would be so much better? so much healthier of a world?
help me to build more altars
i find that at most times i am forgetful. i forget how good God has been to me, how much He has given me and how greatly He has blessed me.
i need to build more altars.
the israelites used to build altars of thanksgiving. the cool part about this is when they came upon said altars again, they could remember what the LORD their God had done for them. and then, and then, they could pass this knowledge on to future generations.
my father told me my uncle used to build altars. literal ones..out of drift wood and such. now im not that nifty nor that creative, but i like the idea of building altars, in order to remember. maybe my writing can be an altar?? i dont know... all i know is that i want to remember more how good God has been to me so that when i forget, there is something there to remind me.
i need to build more altars.
the israelites used to build altars of thanksgiving. the cool part about this is when they came upon said altars again, they could remember what the LORD their God had done for them. and then, and then, they could pass this knowledge on to future generations.
my father told me my uncle used to build altars. literal ones..out of drift wood and such. now im not that nifty nor that creative, but i like the idea of building altars, in order to remember. maybe my writing can be an altar?? i dont know... all i know is that i want to remember more how good God has been to me so that when i forget, there is something there to remind me.
coming to grips
i think you change a lot during your years in college. at least im finding that i am. im learning who i am, what i really think and what i am passionate about. that is instead of going with what my family thinks.
which is not a bad thing. but i think one needs to grow to fill her shoes that God made for her.
i am hoping this blog will help me grow...not just spiritually (there is always room for that!) but in every area of my life. i want to mature more. i want to grow. i want to learn.
i think it is time that i walk two moons in my own shoes.
which is not a bad thing. but i think one needs to grow to fill her shoes that God made for her.
i am hoping this blog will help me grow...not just spiritually (there is always room for that!) but in every area of my life. i want to mature more. i want to grow. i want to learn.
i think it is time that i walk two moons in my own shoes.
on the brink of something greater
i am who i am because of the choices ive made. Now...did God make me make these choices or did He just know them all along??
i feel like the question of predestination versus free will should not be the deciding factor between christians. it shouldnt be that big of deal. main point to take away. God is in control. look at it this way. our lives are like the game life. God sees all the choices we can make and where they can lead us, but He doesnt make them for us.
why this trivial issue has pegged so many christians against each other is beyond me. are there not more pressing matters to be dealt with? like whether torture is ethical, whether war should be used or how we can end diseases that run rampant??
im sure that there are many, many bright people in the christian community. if we spent less time arguing about who may be more right (cause lets face it, no one is reeeeeally going to know until theyre dead, if then) then we might be able to face the current world issues head on.
and yes, i know we are not of the world but in the world, but isnt part of our calling to love others?? so lets show them love... not hatred that brews from disagreements.
i feel like the question of predestination versus free will should not be the deciding factor between christians. it shouldnt be that big of deal. main point to take away. God is in control. look at it this way. our lives are like the game life. God sees all the choices we can make and where they can lead us, but He doesnt make them for us.
why this trivial issue has pegged so many christians against each other is beyond me. are there not more pressing matters to be dealt with? like whether torture is ethical, whether war should be used or how we can end diseases that run rampant??
im sure that there are many, many bright people in the christian community. if we spent less time arguing about who may be more right (cause lets face it, no one is reeeeeally going to know until theyre dead, if then) then we might be able to face the current world issues head on.
and yes, i know we are not of the world but in the world, but isnt part of our calling to love others?? so lets show them love... not hatred that brews from disagreements.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
think think think...
its probs what i'll be doing most of this summer, thinking that is. i have an abundance of free time thus far. and i've been thinking. what does God want to do with me? how is my life going to weave into his tapestry of life?
its a rare thought really, what God wants to do with me. usually its "what do i want to do?" or "what interests me today?" but i feel like... if i do what God wants me to do, ill end up enjoying my life much more.
God has placed several passions into my life. i really want to expose the injustice of the world. sure saving puppies is great, but are there not more pressing matters at hand?! young girls are sold into sex slavery. other young ones take their lives. and still more are starving and without shelter. should we not take care of God's finest creation? honestly, how many people truly give thought to others' needs everyday? are we not consumed with our own thoughts on self-improvement.
if we focus on fixing human brokeness, won't other things be fixed as things fall into place?
of course, most people refuse to solve their brokeness. they rush to sex, money, drugs..etc. when all they really need is Jesus. i know i know, its the same overused line "run to Jesus and all your problems will be solved" kind of deal. its the truth though. and the sooner you acknowledge, the sooner you can find that your life is being mended.
of course, it doesn't all get solved in a second. God isn't a genie and His main purpose isn't to make your life perfect in a snap. no, He is interested in a much bigger plan for you. it involves healing you. and bringing you closer to Him. through this healing will come more scratches, bruises and maybe a couple broken bones, but aren't bones stronger when they heal?
anyway. God has a purpose for you. i am trying to figure out what His purpose for me is.
i figure it has something to do with photography and writing. i love them. a picture is worth a thousand words right? so if i could expose how horrid, are vile living conditions are for human beings, maybe things can start changing. i know there are people currently working on this right now. but i feel like things aren't reaching the masses. i want to reach the masses. i want to help. God wants me to help, or at least i think.
i'm praying He shows me how to help, that He opens my eyes and my ears to see and hear how i can be used in His great plan.
and i hope you do the same.
its a rare thought really, what God wants to do with me. usually its "what do i want to do?" or "what interests me today?" but i feel like... if i do what God wants me to do, ill end up enjoying my life much more.
God has placed several passions into my life. i really want to expose the injustice of the world. sure saving puppies is great, but are there not more pressing matters at hand?! young girls are sold into sex slavery. other young ones take their lives. and still more are starving and without shelter. should we not take care of God's finest creation? honestly, how many people truly give thought to others' needs everyday? are we not consumed with our own thoughts on self-improvement.
if we focus on fixing human brokeness, won't other things be fixed as things fall into place?
of course, most people refuse to solve their brokeness. they rush to sex, money, drugs..etc. when all they really need is Jesus. i know i know, its the same overused line "run to Jesus and all your problems will be solved" kind of deal. its the truth though. and the sooner you acknowledge, the sooner you can find that your life is being mended.
of course, it doesn't all get solved in a second. God isn't a genie and His main purpose isn't to make your life perfect in a snap. no, He is interested in a much bigger plan for you. it involves healing you. and bringing you closer to Him. through this healing will come more scratches, bruises and maybe a couple broken bones, but aren't bones stronger when they heal?
anyway. God has a purpose for you. i am trying to figure out what His purpose for me is.
i figure it has something to do with photography and writing. i love them. a picture is worth a thousand words right? so if i could expose how horrid, are vile living conditions are for human beings, maybe things can start changing. i know there are people currently working on this right now. but i feel like things aren't reaching the masses. i want to reach the masses. i want to help. God wants me to help, or at least i think.
i'm praying He shows me how to help, that He opens my eyes and my ears to see and hear how i can be used in His great plan.
and i hope you do the same.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
you were much more muchier...you lost your muchness
i believe ive lost my muchness... misplaced it somehow
or else... i never had any to begin with.
there are many things i want to do in my life. i want to go on daring adventures. travel the world. fall in love. climb a rock wall (im terrified of heights...) normal things right?
but i dont possess the courage to do them. or pursue them. ive lost my muchness. how does one find her muchness?? does God just hand it to her? or does she have to embark on an adventure through wonderland to find it?
i lack the guts. i am very discouraged by this fact but its the truth. im scared to go out on a whim. to do something daring. i would have a lot more memories now if i was not such a wimp.
i dream of a life of whimsy, of something more than i am living now. i just go with the flow now a days. i dont even know if you can call it living. i throw on a sweatshirt and some jeans and head out the door. i make fun of girls that spend forty five plus minutes doing their hair and makeup, but sometimes... i wonder if i envy them.
i feel like dressing up each day (let alone having the wardrobe to do that...) would be fun. it would be different. trying to change it up. add some spice. create a little magic. i might try it this summer. just to see what it is like.
because i want to have muchness. i want to be more than i am. i desire to be great. to be someone worth noticing. to capture the interest of some random passerby.
i want to be one of those girls that has the balls to do whatever they want. and to not look back. that would be quite the adventure.
or else... i never had any to begin with.
there are many things i want to do in my life. i want to go on daring adventures. travel the world. fall in love. climb a rock wall (im terrified of heights...) normal things right?
but i dont possess the courage to do them. or pursue them. ive lost my muchness. how does one find her muchness?? does God just hand it to her? or does she have to embark on an adventure through wonderland to find it?
i lack the guts. i am very discouraged by this fact but its the truth. im scared to go out on a whim. to do something daring. i would have a lot more memories now if i was not such a wimp.
i dream of a life of whimsy, of something more than i am living now. i just go with the flow now a days. i dont even know if you can call it living. i throw on a sweatshirt and some jeans and head out the door. i make fun of girls that spend forty five plus minutes doing their hair and makeup, but sometimes... i wonder if i envy them.
i feel like dressing up each day (let alone having the wardrobe to do that...) would be fun. it would be different. trying to change it up. add some spice. create a little magic. i might try it this summer. just to see what it is like.
because i want to have muchness. i want to be more than i am. i desire to be great. to be someone worth noticing. to capture the interest of some random passerby.
i want to be one of those girls that has the balls to do whatever they want. and to not look back. that would be quite the adventure.
well im new at this
so im brand new at this... never blogged before
currently im watching the sun set across the puget sound-its beautiful.
and im missing all my friends. college was wonderful this year. i met so many new people. and i cant wait to see them again.
but my old habits are popping back up...
i have trouble trusting people. a LOT of trouble. im working on it. but it hinders my relationships. i try and trust God, its hard. but im working on it.
i have no job this summer. im working on that too. maybs i can work for the neighbors. that'd be nice. and next year... i want to intern next year. i want to work on a magazine. and edit. i love to edit!! its very helpful for my friends.
but not my blog...too much effort to edit this. ha :]
currently im watching the sun set across the puget sound-its beautiful.
and im missing all my friends. college was wonderful this year. i met so many new people. and i cant wait to see them again.
but my old habits are popping back up...
i have trouble trusting people. a LOT of trouble. im working on it. but it hinders my relationships. i try and trust God, its hard. but im working on it.
i have no job this summer. im working on that too. maybs i can work for the neighbors. that'd be nice. and next year... i want to intern next year. i want to work on a magazine. and edit. i love to edit!! its very helpful for my friends.
but not my blog...too much effort to edit this. ha :]
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