idolatry

a couple of days ago, i had surgery. and today, while i was chilling and lying around trying to heal, i decided to look on websites and search around for new shoes, new clothes, new scarves, etc etc etc.


by the end of the day, i realized ive spent waaaaaaaaaaay too much time thinking about what i want instead of being grateful for what i have. and i ended up in this horrible mood. 


and then i read Jesus Calling tonight.

Beware of seeing yourself through other people's eyes.  There are several dangers to this practice.  First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you.  Moreover, their views of you are variable: subject to each viewer's spiritual, emotional ad physical condition.  The major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry.  Your concern to please other dampens your desire to please Me, your Creator.
It is much more real to see yourself through My eyes.  My gaze upon you is steady and sure, untainted by sin.  Through My eyes you can see yourself as one who is deeply, eternally loved.   Rest in My loving gaze, and you will recieve deep Peace.  Respond to My loving Presence by worshiping Me in spirit and in truth.

Hebrews 11:6; John 4:23-24

the truth is, i feel way insecure around the new freshmen on my floor. they are so freaking cute and fashionable, and i honestly was trying to make myself "up to par" with them. i was placing their opinion-which probably doesnt even come from my appearance-even higher than my healing from surgery.


and the sad part is. i should be showing them not to go down this path. im the sophomore, the one who is older and supposed to be leading them.  im supposed to be helping them discover that they are worth so much more than the clothes that they wear, the makeup thats on their faces, and the perfume they sprayed on.

God help me to be wise.  help me to show these beautiful young women that YOU are whom they should look to please.  boys wont please them. friends wont please them. only You can fill that desire.  help me to lead these young women to You, to show them Your Love. Your beautiful, wonderful and inexplicable Love. i love you Abba. thank You so much for these young women You have placed in my life.

i have this friend

his name is jared david. he is one of my favorites.


and he is also one of the most incredible people i know. jared and i met at spu. he was on my brother floor. id see him around and hang once in awhile, but i didnt really get to enjoy his presence until spring quarter.


i started to listen to him. to hear how much he loved God. to see his passion. to enjoy his friendship. this summer, ive gotten to see even more of all these things. i read his blog. i check on him on fb.


but what im really going to miss....is seeing him in person. hearing his laugh. listening to another wise-cracking joke. hearing him talk about the God he loves so much. taking communion with him. having bible study with him. praying with him.


jared is one of my best friends and has challenged me in ways ive never thought possible. God used him to spur one of the biggest growth spurts ive ever had. actually the biggest. fact.


im going to miss him dearly at school next year. i wish him well while in portland. im even crying as i write this.


jared. i hope God leads you on a path more spectacular than ever imagined. i hope he blesses you abundantly. that He carries you in His loving arms. that He watches over your every need. that He grants you the desires of your heart and that all of your desires coincide with His. i pray that He gives you wonderful new friends that welcome you into their hearts. that they learn to laugh with you, pray with you, grow with you and take communion with you.


you are always welcome with us. and will always be loved in our family. you are cherished. you are treasured. you are loved.


and you have been and will continue to be a blessing in my life. agape brother.