mahalo

my siblings and i in maui. praising God for His Glory

its been a while... and ive learned so many things in this short time. God has taught me a lot.


i need to be more careful with my relationships and truly take responsibility for things ive done. i need to own up to it and apologize. and im working on that. 


i need to be more thankful. there are SO many things i have to be thankful for. and God has blessed me so much. 


i need to be more patient and open to hearing God's voice. and living in the present instead of trying to make my own way in life. God's way is so much better. soooo much better. and i really need to focus on it.


and i need to do things.  it might not be the right thing and i might make mistakes. but im learning. and God can always correct my mistakes. i forget He can do that...


i love my God, my Abba. and im so thankful for everything He has given me. 


i explain things in more depth later on. but basically know this. im growing. and im learning. and im going to keep pursuing my God. 

year goals

so there are several things i want to accomplish this year... here are a few of them

• go on adventures once a week
• serve once a month, whether it be food bank, soup kitchen, etc
• do STN
• get a job...
• create a habit of going to church EVERY sunday
• go to life group
• try to go to mosaic and mars hill on sundays
• run a 5k

ill update it when more things come to me

selfless not selfish

currently. i am sitting. i am sitting with a heating pad on my lap. cause im in pain. again.


and im growing weary of this pain. i want God to magically fix it. but its not one of those ailments you can cure. you just have to treat it. and of course im complaining.


and then i realize. im being selfish. im being self-centered. im doing just fine. i live in a comfortable home. i have food to eat. my parents have jobs. i am secure. i shouldnt be complaining.


right now, there are extreme droughts across the nations and they are destroying communities, tearing down economies and ripping helpless children from their mothers' arms.


and there are those horrible riots happening in london. to think they are "standing for an unjust death" when there innocent civilians being killed with the damage thats ensuing in the city.


it really pains my heart actually. i wish i could do something to heal all these people. i want to end the violence. end the wars. bring the mothers and fathers back from war to the children who miss them and worry about their safety every passing minute.


but to do such a thing would me i am god. and i am most definitely not God.


i cannot begin to imagine the plan God has to redeem this earth. i know it starts with Jesus. but after that... when there are no wars. no more tears. i can only dream.


i want to do something to help. maybe we can organize a penny drive at school for clean water and food rations in somalia. or donate to charities that help comfort little ones while their parents are at war.  i want to lend my services to help bandage up this broken world. i cannot heal it, just treat it.

dead brush

part of my job for my dad is clearing out all the dead brush in the trees on the side of my house.


they have been sort of neglected for a while... (we've been busy) and so much dead stuff was hiding behind the healthy green brush. i mean i worked for hours cleaning out tree by tree. it surprised me because from the outside, the trees looked so healthy.


which got me thinking... what happens to the human soul when its been neglected? does that much dead stuff build up in it?


i think it does.


and then, we put up a "healthy" barrier to hide it.


can you imagine what a soul, with years of neglect, what it would look like? what neglect does to the human spirit?


it would be a wretched sight. it would be horrifying. there would be death and decay spreading throughout it like a plague. some areas would seem untouched, but when you looked deeper, beneath the outer layers, there it would lurk-the damage.


and what is sad, what is really really heartbreaking, is all of this, could be prevented


my trees, however, i do not know if they are beyond saving-ultimately, that is up to my dad.  but to me, those trees looked far past recovery.  if fact, they look like a hazard-a huge fire hazard. with all that dead brush sitting there, waiting to be cleared out, they could catch fire in an instant. and they sit right next to our house. we didnt even know it was that bad. thinking of what could have happened with the tiniest spark is terrifying. oh. and even worse. they are sitting between the power lines (they've gotten too tall, part of my job)


now apply this to humanity. when does a persons soul get so dead, that it becomes a hazard?


before i go into this, let me make it clear, i do not think the way to handle this is to rid ourselves of the people who are damaged. i dont think a human being is ever beyond repair.


that being said, if a person goes so long being neglected and having dead brush build up inside their soul,  then they too only need a spark to set them off. it might not even be clear what the spark is. but either way it could be dangerously close to you and your family-like the trees to my house.  and you may be completely unaware of the threat.


and to think...this could all be prevented. 


seriously. it can.


all it takes is a smile. a simple recognition of the persons importance. a wave. a gesture. a "how do you do?" and it only takes a minute.


we are all created in the Image of God. therefore... we all deserve respect. we all deserve honor.  they all deserve respect. they all deserve honor.  they do not have to be a part of your "group" to be noticed. but that doesnt mean they shouldnt be. 


they are God's children too.


honor them. respect them. love them.


and make sure to keep caring for them. otherwise, dead brush will begin in their soul.

pangs and unease

so i get these little feelings when im deciding whether or not to do something. usually the feeling tells me when im not supposed to do something.


ive tried ignoring these feelings before...things do not bode well for me if i do. in fact, they usually turn out pretty crappy.


im convinced these "feelings" are the Holy Spirit.


call it hokey or whatever you'd like, but i know its true. ive made some crucial decision based on these feelings guiding me.  i think God is looking out for me personally and He makes decisions on a daily basis with me.


but what happens when ive decided to do something and made plans, feeling like its the right decision, and then all of a sudden, it changes.


i feel horrible trying to explain that i cant go through with plans because ive got this "feeling" saying i shouldnt. how do you explain this to someone, especially when they might not share the same convictions or even the same faith??


it gets pretty sticky sometimes. and i feel like ive failed. like im a slacker. but ive got to stick to my convictions.


im sorry if this is inconvenient for you and your plans. i really am.  but i wont stray from what God is telling me, whether you believe me or not.