enfj

so lies. im not an esfj.....


im an enfj. makes so much more sense. but i still tend to be introverted after a long time with people.


hopefully this will help me to pick a major

uncertainty

so i just got back to school (fyi its so good to be back and my floor is amazing) but i am stressed beyond all belief


im entering my sophomore year here and this is usually the time where everyone has their majors figured out and are applying to them. they are all settled into their classes that are in their major.


but im not. i dont know what i want to do with my life. absolutely no idea. and im stressed out. i need to figure it out soon so i can graduate on time because i for sure dont have enough money to spend an extra year here.


so im pretty much running out of time. and im confused. so confused. i dont know what God wants me to do...


pray that i get clarity i get guidance and that i can calm down so i can serve others better. there are some friends who really need my attention and support-my indecisiveness is taking away precious time and energy that could be spent on helping them.

do you remember

10 years ago. today.


i remember. i crawled onto my parents bed and watched as the 2nd tower fell. i remember not understanding. my mother in disbelief. 


i remember the next day going to school. talking about it with my teacher. and my fellow students. it had been one girls birthday. she said it was her worst birthday ever.


i remember then fearing for my dad when he left for a trip. hoping something like this would never happen again. 


i remember things changing. the airports becoming more hectic. the security lines new and foreign. what it had been like before, when we were able to walk out to the gate.


i remembering fearing flying, when before, it had been a loved experience.


i remember when we went to war. the war on terror... i remember not being old enough to understand.


i remember when osama bin laden was killed. and not understanding again. 


i dont think ill ever understand this travesty. i dont think i will ever comprehend the evil that exist. i dont think i will ever be able to reconcile taking one mans life for the greater good, but at the same time, still taking that mans life. i dont understand how this one man also took so many lives. so many lives that were not his to take. and how we went to war to fight this man and the beliefs he stood for. and how we lost so many more lives in this pursuit. 


and as i watch the footage of the events from 10 years ago, i am forced to try and understand. to try and reconcile. i dont  know if i will ever be able to.


this anger, this hatred for other people. it has to stop. this murdering and terrorism and holocausts and genocides and wars. they need to stop. 


it shouldnt take this big of an event to wake the world up to the atrocities that we have turned a blind eye for so long. 


10 years ago i remember what happened.

i have this friend

his name is jared david. he is one of my favorites.


and he is also one of the most incredible people i know. jared and i met at spu. he was on my brother floor. id see him around and hang once in awhile, but i didnt really get to enjoy his presence until spring quarter.


i started to listen to him. to hear how much he loved God. to see his passion. to enjoy his friendship. this summer, ive gotten to see even more of all these things. i read his blog. i check on him on fb.


but what im really going to miss....is seeing him in person. hearing his laugh. listening to another wise-cracking joke. hearing him talk about the God he loves so much. taking communion with him. having bible study with him. praying with him.


jared is one of my best friends and has challenged me in ways ive never thought possible. God used him to spur one of the biggest growth spurts ive ever had. actually the biggest. fact.


im going to miss him dearly at school next year. i wish him well while in portland. im even crying as i write this.


jared. i hope God leads you on a path more spectacular than ever imagined. i hope he blesses you abundantly. that He carries you in His loving arms. that He watches over your every need. that He grants you the desires of your heart and that all of your desires coincide with His. i pray that He gives you wonderful new friends that welcome you into their hearts. that they learn to laugh with you, pray with you, grow with you and take communion with you.


you are always welcome with us. and will always be loved in our family. you are cherished. you are treasured. you are loved.


and you have been and will continue to be a blessing in my life. agape brother.

Abba is amazing

today i woke up scared of my reality and worrying that i would not be able to accomplish what is needing to be done. and i was grumpy...


i started my devotions and asked Abba to really speak to me this morning, i needed it


so i open my devotional, Jesus Calling after my prayer time


"Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that, I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.
On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than you strength.  Days like that present a choice between two alternatives- giving up or relying on Me.  Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you.  You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement.  I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day.  Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence"


Psalm 42:5; 2 Corinthians 13:4; Jeremiah 31:25


and it was EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED


its crazy how God knows what we need and how to say it, how to present it to us and then use it for His glory. i am astounded.


God is amazing. He is sovereign and wonderful and all too great for my imagination.


but He loves me anyway and speaks to me, even when i refuse to trust in Him.  He offers me forgiveness time and time again. and He presents His never-ceasing mercies to me daily.


i love you Abba. thank You for all that You've done in my life and all that You are currently doing. i am excited to see how You will use me for Your Glory. i cannot imagine Your wonders.


thank You for everything. i love you.


in Jesus Name,
Amen.

welcome back

its been awhile.. i know. im sorry. God hasn't really put it on my heart to blog lately. 


but today, God came through in only the way He can.


ive been searching for a job for...forever.  i wasnt able to get one for this summer (so ive been working for my dad) and ive been looking into jobs for the fall/rest of the school year.  i have applied to a couple and one that i was really interested had just replied saying the position was filled.


i was crushed. and super frustrated. "why wasnt God allowing me to get a job?" i kept asking. my best friend kirsten and my mom and my dad were like its obviously not the job He has planned for you. but i was just annoyed.


so i continued sanding the deck outside and then came in for a shower. i prayed asking God to a) give me a job b) take away my stress and help me give up my stress to Him c) thanked Him for not giving me the job im not supposed to have.


so i go online to buy my books... and i check my email.


turns out another position i was interested in just had a shift open up! and they were wondering if i could work it.


God's amazing. i cant get over how freaking amazing He is. seriously. not only has He helped me wake up in the mornings, but now i might have a job this year!! 


the interview is on tuesday. please be praying i get it.


if i dont, i know God has another job in store. i just would like this one :]