you were much more muchier...you lost your muchness

i believe ive lost my muchness... misplaced it somehow


or else... i never had any to begin with. 


there are many things i want to do in my life.  i want to go on daring adventures. travel the world. fall in love. climb a rock wall (im terrified of heights...) normal things right?


but i dont possess the courage to do them. or pursue them.  ive lost my muchness. how does one find her muchness?? does God just hand it to her? or does she have to embark on an adventure through wonderland to find it?




i lack the guts.  i am very discouraged by this fact but its the truth.  im scared to go out on a whim. to do something daring.  i would have a lot more memories now if i was not such a wimp.




i dream of a life of whimsy, of something more than i am living now.  i just go with the flow now a days. i dont even know if you can call it living.  i throw on a sweatshirt and some jeans and head out the door.  i make fun of girls that spend forty five plus minutes doing their hair and makeup, but sometimes... i wonder if i envy them.


i feel like dressing up each day (let alone having the wardrobe to do that...) would be fun.  it would be different. trying to change it up.  add some spice. create a little magic. i might try it this summer. just to see what it is like.




because i want to have muchness. i want to be more than i am.  i desire to be great. to be someone worth noticing.  to capture the interest of some random passerby.


i want to be one of those girls that has the balls to do whatever they want. and to not look back.  that would be quite the adventure.